i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
is wine microwaveable?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
