I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
