She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
