i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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