I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
BRING THE BAGELS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
