can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
