high people should be assigned attendants
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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