..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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