Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
