today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
