can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
