is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
