I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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