FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
