I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
