My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
