just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Randomize
