just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
