alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
