DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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