I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
