The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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