well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
