nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
