i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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