so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
