man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
