apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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