I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
