i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
