I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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