she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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