if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
