Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
