This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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