why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
