Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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