Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
