There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
