Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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