My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
