I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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