You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
