Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize