About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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