My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
