You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
