She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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