oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
