If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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