i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
