I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
