I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize