I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
