i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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