There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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