Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
