We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The chlamydia really affected his face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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