Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
