How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize