At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
