My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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