When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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