I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
