hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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