do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
