I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
