Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
