I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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