They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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