She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
