I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
