I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
